Guest Blog - Boom Bye Bye
This blog is a little different to those I usually write. It was inspired by a question that somebody asked me. "How do you feel about homosexuality in the Black and Ethnic Community? " Well I hope ya'll are ready for the realness I am about to speak.
Growing up within a Caribbean culture, being gay was highly frowned upon. There were NO gay people in our family or circle of friends. Well no openly gay people anyway. Calling someone gay was a sure way to hurt their feelings or start a fight. We would sing along to music promoting the harm or death of them too, I thought it was a bit harsh, but I went along with it. I followed the crowd though inside I felt very uncomfortable singing certain lyrics. I mean the passion that people would use when singing "Boom bye bye in a batty boy head" - Like seriously, I'm a humanitarian and I don't like the thought of killing or harming anyone, for whatever reason. I'm telling you, anyone who was questioning their sexuality would have probably snuck out when that was going on, or just felt really sad inside.
As I grew older I was intrigued by gay people, men, especially black men. A friend of mine had come out and it was a big thing. Parents were disappointed, friends disowned him and I felt so sad for him. BUT he was happy, he was no longer living a lie. He was free to be himself, to explore his sexuality and learn about who he was. I thought that was a very brave thing to do. I was so proud of him, and my love for him grew. It took a bit of getting used to, our conversations changed slightly, I would talk about my man, he would talk about his man too lol. But I loved that he could be himself with me vice versa.
In later years I noticed that I was so in awe of black gay men, in fact, I realised male homosexuality, particularly black, somewhat turns me on. I thought I was weird and I felt just as in the closet as someone hiding their true sexuality. Although I'm a woman, I still felt ashamed. I've spent years trying to figure out what exactly I'm ashamed of and why I am attracted to black male homosexuality. I think it's because I admire their ability to just be free, regardless of what people think. It takes balls to do that. No pun intended. (That actually made me chuckle. Lol )
In the end I just accepted it, just as I accepted my friend, just as I accept all people regardless of the colour of their skin or their sexual orientation.
I always make a joke about it - It's possible I could have been a gay man in my past life. Lol - No but for real, I have a lot of strange, weird sexual desires and attractions. Everybody does, however most are too ashamed or scared of what people may think or say to be honest about them. I love that I can be free with who I am and that I have friends who never judge me (even when I told them about my humping Spider-Man fetish hahaha. )
People take themselves and life too seriously. I think in this day and age it's really sad that people cannot just be who they want without the fear of being attacked by another human. Humans who probably harbour those same desires but are too afraid to act on them.
My son asked me once. "Mum what would you do if I was gay?" I replied "I would love you son." That is 100% the truth. My love is unconditional and I couldn't even dream of abandoning my blood for anything.
I know a lot of you reading this will judge, but honestly the opinion of others is none of my business. I speak and live my truth and in that I experience freedom.
Daring to be black and gay is to be brave and free. I salute that!